50 LBS. of Almonds

Avery’s school had a silent auction last week & there was really only one thing I was hell-bent on winning: 50 lbs. of raw almonds. A two-night stay at Wynn Las Vegas? Court side seats, on the floor, to see the Lakers? Diamonds? No. Fresh, raw almonds, fifty pounds, value $250. But how to out-bid and take home this surely-coveted prize? The exciting play-by-play:

The auction opened and I threw out the opening bid of $65 to test the waters, to see who my worthy opponents were, to find out what I was up against, to strategically understand what stood between me and the 50 lbs. of almonds that were all mine. Then I waited like a ninja for days…until I received the expected email that I had been outbid by one “Desantisjo,” a fitting dark moniker, who had upped the ante to $80. I figured I was dealing with a real player here, so after some detailed risk calculations, a quick re-read of my dog-eared copy of “The Art of War,” and several hours of Qi Gong practice, my strategy was clear: wait it out and then pounce. It was risky and depended on a particular cosmic alignment, but this is the kind of warrior I am.

I waited until the last 30 minutes before the auction was set to close. I had not checked in a few days to see how many bids had increased the price of the almonds, as I wanted to stay fresh and not exhaust my reflexes & resolve. Convinced that this bountiful booty of Prunus Dulcis, the motherlode prize of oval nut-like seeds, would surely be embroiled in one of the most infamous bidding wars in school history, I logged onto the auction site to deliver my final blow. Imagine my utter shock to find it was just me up against “Desantisjo!” Ah, Desantisjo must be know for his/her cutting bids, fast plays, intimidating moves around the auction board… others knew to stay clear of this fierce opponent, I’m sure. What else could possibly explain just two bids for 50 lbs. of this beloved nut?

Perhaps my naivité served me well in this skirmish, perhaps pure courage and, frankly, steadfast ambition… all I know is that Focus and Tenacity were my muses and this was my moment. Avery was feeling it too- a rare silence had come over her, the stillness of pre-battle intention quieted the room.

Anyway, I’ll get to the the climax and stopping holding you in suspense, as I realize this is a blog post, not Lord of the Rings - once logged in, noting the time as 6:58pm PST, I held my fingers above the keyboard, ready for the final blow at 7:00pm when the auction closed. The clock ticked 6:59pm (figuratively at least, as in the digital world one must create one’s own dramatic “tick”), I slowly and deliberately typed out the digits “9…5…period…0…0…” and then right as I sensed the digital seconds ticking to just before the termination of this tense engagement, I pressed Return.

And then the clocked turned to 7:00. And I waited. Barely breathing, heart pounding, unable to move my limbs, spent. I replayed the battle in my head over and over, a prisoner in my own cuckoo’s nest of anxiety. Had “Desantisjo” been stealther than I? More resolute, more swift, more deserving of the sweet fruit nut? Waves of deep emotion played with my psyche, ancient agony that some how I’d failed my higher self in–

Ding!

An email! The sound of an email arriving pierced the taut silence. I switched windows. Mail. Inbox. Bidding For Good. The verdict. I clicked on it.

Winning Bid Alert
You’re the winning bidder on:
California Raw Almonds (50 Pounds)
Winning Bid Amount: $95.00

Victory! A giant victory! My faith in everything sacred restored itself, stronger for the trial. My destiny is clear.

Or is it?…

So what do I do with 50 LBS. OF ALMONDS???!!!

Many recipes and ideas to follow this week.

Recipes and ideas welcome.

xaub